I know, I know. I’ve said before that I am trying to get better about not saying sorry when I am not actually at fault. And I am! In situations where it’s unnecessary to tack on a “sorry,” I’ve backed off on my overly apologetic ways.
However, there are some situations with friends where even if you’re in the right, it does more damage to not apologize than it would to just say those magic words and try to smooth over the situation. It’s not about being forced to apologize, but just trying to recognize when saying sorry goes a lot further than insisting that you’re right.
So how do you keep yourself from being a snarky Jenna Hamilton and instead offer a well-meaning apology to a friend despite feeling like you’ve done nothing wrong? Get back to BFF status quickly with these eight tips about how to apologize to a friend even when you’re not totally feeling it.
Make The First Move
This is sometimes the hardest step because we want the other person to acknowledge their wrongdoings. Saying sorry when we feel we are right can be tough, and saying it first can be even tougher. Still, it's the mature thing to do, especially if you want to keep this friendship going. It goes a long way to show your maturity, as well. Plus, who knows - you opening up first could give your friend the push she needs to realize how she was actually in the wrong. Source: Shutterstock.comAre You At Fault At All?
Sometimes even when we're mostly right, there's a little mistake we can apologize for. Maybe your friend shouldn't have ditched your plans unexpectedly, but you probably still shouldn't have sent that passive-aggressive text message after the fact. If you can at least pinpoint something that you do feel badly about, it will allow you to make a sincere apology without feeling pressure to say something you don't really mean. Source: Shutterstock.comTry Writing A Letter
Sometimes when we don't 100% want to apologize, even when we try to keep it simple we can give ourselves away. In these cases, a letter might be a good way to go. It's more personal than something like a text, but it also allows you to draft up what you want to say than get frustrated in the moment when you're apologizing when you think you shouldn't have to be. It's just a way to create a little buffer to apologize on your own terms in a way that isn't rude. Source: Shutterstock.comFocus On Feelings
Just because your friend is upset with you for a reason that's not your fault, you still probably don't like seeing her so sad. Focus on that aspect in your apology. Talk about how you hate seeing her like this and you want to work through it. It's another way to not have to take on the whole blame of the situation, but still show you're sorry that she's been having a hard time and that you're committed to both of you getting through this. Source: Shutterstock.comDon't Over Do It
If you choose to apologize in person, don't treat this apology like an audition for the school play by turning on fake tears or delivering really dramatic lines. In truth, that will probably make it more obvious that you're kind of trying to fake it. Instead, just be simple and direct - not to the point where you're short with your friend, but stay on track to deliver your "sorry" without all the meaningless bells and whistles. Source: Shutterstock.comYou Don't Have To Grovel
Similarly to not over-doing it, you can still apologize without sacrificing your self-respect. I know I get upset about apologizing for things that aren't always my fault, but if I can present myself in a confident, strong way, at least I don't feel like I am being pushed around. I am choosing to apologize, not feeling forced to. If you really are not in the wrong, you don't need to grovel or beg for forgiveness. It'll end up making you feel crummy and that's unfair. Just try to be sincere, but don't lose yourself. Source: Shutterstock.comMove On
Don't hold it over your friend's head that you were the one to graciously apologize when you didn't really have to. The point of apologizing is to achieve forgiveness and closure, so once you do it, let that be the end of it. Post-apology, it should no longer matters who was right or wrong. If you're going to dwell on it forever than it sounds like it was never that important to work through it with you to begin with. Source: Shutterstock.comSometimes You Still Shouldn't
All that aside, if you find yourself constantly apologizing to a friend and trying to fix things for the sake of your friendship, it may be a sign that she's taking advantage of you. Everyone makes mistakes with friends, but there's a difference between it happening once in a while and you constantly apologizing even when your friend is crummy. If your gut is really feels you did nothing wrong, sometimes you just have to trust that. Gauge it for yourself or seek out an adult for another opinion on your specific situation. Source: Shutterstock.comHave you ever had to say sorry when you didn’t fully mean it? Why did you decide to do it? Tell me in the comments.
